Tonight I couldn't sleep, having something on my mind. I do it often, just before bed no matter the reason I lay in bed thinking my day all out. I lay here replaying conversations from the day, things that were done, things I wish I would have said, things others said. Wanting to redo certain things. Wanting so bad to stop focusing on the few moments that I was hurt from the conversation, and wanting instead focus on the good moments through out the night, because most of them were. I lay and I think and think then fall asleep with nothing changed when I wake up. Well tonight instead of just thinking I wanted to write it out, get all of my thought out on paper. This way as I write I can understand myself more fully how I'm feeling and hold myself accountable to remember and do the things I say now.

It is hard not to judge sometimes, to think how someone has it so easy, or maybe how someone has it hard. We all judge it is true, maybe sometimes without even knowing it. But why, why do we judge? As I ponder here I think of others actions that have hurt me, how I have felt so judged and misunderstood. How could I fix what's happened, how could I make it all better, all go away, the way I'm feeling, how could I change their minds? Help them understand the way it really is? 
Just finished talking to my sweet husband who I love, crying to him of the hurt I feel I realize something. It really doesn't matter what others think of me? When it comes down to it only my Heavenly Father matters. Only what He thinks of me matters. He is the one I want to please. He is the one I want to make happy. He is the one I want to serve. The only acceptance that I want. If we let ourselves we could find something wrong with everyone around us. Maybe because our views are different, we feel someone has been more blessed than us and that makes us envious. We wish we had others gifts, talents, or possessions rather than our own. We could wish all day long of all the things we think we need that we do not have. But how do you think our Heavenly Father feels as He knows our thoughts? The one who gave us all our gifts and talents and now sees us wanting others instead of our own. We need to be grateful for what we have, we are all different and special in our own different and unique ways. There is joy to be found in all things, I want to find joy and good in every person I meet because we all have good in us. Look around, you are so blessed, I am so blessed, we have been given so much and for that I should not be crying because of my weaknesses and should not be listening and allowing other people's views to hurt me and make me feel this way. But instead I should be rejoicing in my strengths though they sometimes can be hard for us to see,  but we do all have them. We have all been blessed with them and they are all different from each other so that we can help each other through this life with them. 
It's easy to get focused on ourselves. We get in the habit of asking our friend, neighbor, sister, brother, family how they are, without really wanting to know. We get used to expecting the traditional answer, "I'm good,"  and become fine with that answer, not digging past it to see what is really in their hearts. By listening to others and caring for them we come to understand what is in our own hearts. We can't control what others do, or what others say. The only thing we can control is ourselves, what and who we choose to take the time with because isn't that why we are on this earth now? We have all been put on this earth at this time for a purpose in these choice days when the Savior will come again. In the end it is His, and only His judgement for me that matters, and I know that all depends on my faithfulness to Him, by loving each and everyone of His children. When we will all get to see him face to face. When I will get to see him face to face. All I will want is for Him to wrap His arms around me and tell me "Well done."